Bush and Saddam Hussein and President George W. Bush meet up in Baghdad for the first round of talks in a new peace process. When George sits down, he notices 3 buttons on the side of Saddam's chair.They begin talking. After about 5 minutes, Saddam presses the first button. A boxing glove springs out of a box on ...the desk and punches Bush in the face. Confused, Bush carries on talking as Saddam laughs.

A few minutes later the second button is pressed. This time a big boot comes out and kicks Bush in the shin. Again Saddam laughs, and again Bush carries on talking, not wanting to put off the bigger issue of peace between the 2 countries. But when the third button is pressed and another boot comes out and kicks Bush in the privates, he's finally ... See Morehad enough, knowing that he can't do much else but say "I'm going back home!" he tells the Iraqi. "We'll finish these talks in two weeks!"

Two weeks pass and Saddam flies to the United States for talks. Asthe 2 men sit down, Hussein notices 3 buttons on Bush's chair and prepares himself for the American's revenge.

They begin talking and Saddam is uncooperative, Bush presses the first button. Saddam ducks, but nothing happens. Bush snickers.

A few seconds later, as Hussein continues his belligerence, Bush presses the second button. Saddam jumps up, but again nothing happens. Bush roars with laughter.

As things progress, then the third button is pressed, Saddam jumps up again, and again nothing happens. Bush falls on the floor in a fit of hysterics. ... See More

"Forget this," says Saddam. "I'm going back to Baghdad!"

Bush then says through tears of laughter, "What Baghdad?"




roberto773.mybrute.com

go here
Masterofswords story.
or should i say masterofshotguns.........

One day geaorge was taking a brisk walk through the forest when an annoying voice said, "come 2 me". so george pulls out his shotgun and fires behind him. when he turns aroung he sees his dad dead on the ground. "ah s***, srry dad i was going for my little sis "
XD



29 Things To Do in a Test (4got 30th 1 XD)



1. Get a copy of the exam, run out screaming Andre, Andre, I've got the secret documents!!

2. Talk the entire way through the exam. Read questions aloud, debate your answers with yourself out loud. If asked to stop, yell out, I'm SOOO sure that you can hear me thinking. Then start talking about what a jerk the instructor is.

3. Bring a Game Boy. Play with the volume at max level.

4. On the answer sheet find a new, interesting way to refuse to answer every question. For example: I refuse to answer this question on the grounds that it conflicts with my religious beliefs. Be creative.

5. Run into the exam room looking about frantically. Breathe a sigh of relief. Go to the instructor, say They've found me, I have to leave the country and run off.

6. 15 min. into the exam, stand up, rip up all the papers into very small pieces, throw them into the air and yell out Merry Christmas. If you're really daring, ask for another copy of the exam. Say you lost the first one. Repeat this process every 15 min.

7. Come into the exam wearing slippers, a bathrobe, a towel on your head, and nothing else.

8. Come down with a BAD case of Tourette's Syndrome during the exam. Be as vulgar as possible.

9. Bring things to throw at the instructor when s/he's not looking. Blame it on the person nearest to you.

10. As soon as the instructor hands you the exam, eat it.

11. Every 5 min. stand up, collect all your things, move to another seat, continue with the exam.

12. Turn in the exam approx. 30 min. into it. As you walk out, start commenting on how easy it was.

13. Get the exam. 20 min into it, throw your papers down violently, scream out To hell with this! and walk out triumphantly.

14. Arrange a protest before the exam starts (ie. Threaten the instructor that whether or not everyone's done, they are all leaving after one hour to go drink.)

15. Show up completely drunk (completely drunk means at some point during the exam, you should start crying for mommy).

16. Comment on how sexy the instructor is looking that day.

17. Come to the exam wearing a black cloak. After about 30 min, put on a white mask and start yelling I'm here, the phantom of the opera until they drag you away.

18. If the exam is math/sciences related, make up the longest proofs you could possible think of. Get pi and imaginary numbers into most equations. If it is a written exam, relate everything to your own life story.

19. Try to get people in the room to do a wave.

20. Bring some large, cumbersome, ugly idol. Put it right next to you. Pray to it often. Consider a small sacrifice.

21. During the exam, take apart everything around you. Desks, chairs, anything you can reach.

22. Puke into your exam booklet. Hand it in. Leave.

23. Take 6 packages of rice cakes to the exam. Stuff at least 2 rice cakes into your mouth at once. Chew, then cough. Repeat if necessary.

24. Masturbate.

25. Walk in, get the exam, sit down. About 5 min into it, loudly say to the instructor, I don't understand ANY of this. I've been to every lecture all semester long! What's the deal? And who the hell are you? Where's the regular guy?

26. Do the entire exam in another language. If you don't know one, make one up!

27. Bring a black marker. Return the exam with all questions and answers completely blacked out.

28. Every now and then, clap twice rapidly. If the instructor asks why, tell him/her in a very derogatory tone, the light bulb that goes on above my head when I get an idea is hooked up to a clapper. DUH!

29. From the moment the exam begins, hum the theme to Jeopardy. Ignore the instructor's requests for you to stop. When they finally get you to leave one way or another, begin whistling the theme to the Bridge on the River Kwai.


Your momma's so dumb she thought the computer screen saver was TV

Your momma's so dumb that when she jumped out of a window she went up

Your momma's so dumb she got hit by a parked car

Your momma's so dumb she heard someone say it was chilli outside so she ran and grabbed a bowl

Your momma's so dumb she thought a telephone was a phone for the T.V

Your momma's so dumb she thinks a quarterback is a refund

Your momma's so dumb she tried to kill herself by jumping out of the basement window

Your momma's so dumb the computer said press any key to continue and she was looking for the any key

Your momma's so dumb she got locked in a grocery store and starved to death

Your momma's so dumb it took her an hour to make minute rice

Your momma's so dumb she stayed up all night studying for her blood test

Your momma's so dumb I caught her staring at a piece of paper. She sait it was Pay-Per View

Your momma's so dumb she got locked in a motorcycle and STARVED TO DEATH!!!!!

David finally found the nerve to tell his fiancée that he had to break off their engagement so he could marry another woman.
Can she cook like I can? the distraught woman asked between sobs.
Not on her best day, he replied.
Can she buy you expensive gifts like I do?
No, she's broke.
Well, then, is it sex?
Nobody does it like you, babe.
Then what can she do that I can't?
Sue me for child support.

A blind man walks into a bar, taps the man next him, and says, Hey, wanna hear a blond joke?

The man says back to the blind man, Look buddy, I'm blond. The man behind me is a 400-pound professional wrestler and he is blond. The bouncer is blond. The man sitting over to your left is also blond. Still wanna tell that blond joke?

The blind man is silent for a moment and then says, Nah, I wouldn't want to have to explain it five times.

A man walks into a bar one night. He goes up to the bar and asks for a beer. Certainly, sir, that'll be 1 cent. ONE CENT! exclaims the guy. The barman replies, Yes. So the guy glances over at the menu, and he asks, Could I have a nice juicy T-bone steak, with chips, peas, and a fried egg? Certainly, sir, replies the bartender, but all that comes to real money. How much money? inquires the guy. 4 cents, he replies. FOUR cents! exclaims the guy. Where's the guy who owns this place? The barman replies, Upstairs with my wife. The guy says, What's he doing with your wife? The bartender replies, Same as I'm doing to his business.

Take the Magic: The Gathering 'What Color Are You?' Quiz.

woot jewels
You have completed your assignment in such a manner that your patron is highly satisfied. You have been credited 990 gold for a job well done! Your alignment has shifted 5 points towards good. As a special bonus you have received 5 jewels!

Exp Mode. Off
if i attack you it is because u leak gold or i feel like it!

Best Rank
64. Marshal masterofswords72 1,810

most damage by critical hit!!!
Round 3: masterofswords72 makes a critical hit and causes 44.27 points of damage ( 0 hit points were absorbed)

Best Mission

You roamed through the countryside as the great hero of the poor, weak and helpless, always on the lookout for people in need. Your mission was tremendously successful. You received 696 gold as a reward from the thankful inhabitants of the area!

You have been credited with 696 gold. On your mission you were also able to gain 5 experience points and your alignment has shifted 3 points towards the good side!

masterofswords72 looted 357 Gold! masterofswords72 received 0 and ***** got 1 experience point(s)!
masterofswords72 looted 353 Gold! masterofswords72 received 0 and * ** * got 1 experience point(s)!
masterofswords72 looted 285 Gold! masterofswords72 received 0 and ****** got 1 experience point(s)!
masterofswords72 looted 300 Gold! masterofswords72 received 0 and ****** got 1 experience point(s)!
masterofswords72 looted 272 Gold! masterofswords72 received 0 and ***** got 1 experience point(s)!
masterofswords72 looted 324 Gold! masterofswords72 received 0 and ******** got 1 experience point(s)
masterofswords72 looted 321 Gold! masterofswords72 received 2 and ****** got 0 experience point(s)!
masterofswords72 looted 468 Gold! masterofswords72 received 0 and ******* got 1 experience point(s)!
masterofswords72 looted 273 Gold! masterofswords72 received -1 and ******* got 1 experience point(s)!

Name: Hit points: Health points:
masterofswords72 322.74 700.00
Dark Buzzor 0.00 587.26













No these are not any of my cats!!



But this one is!!!!

go here to hear awesome music!!!
http://www.playlist.com/user/26612574/dashboard

1) I don't have ADHD i just...do you like waffles?

2) If a synchronized swimmer drowns, does that mean they all have to?

3) People are like slinkies. Basically useless, and yet it's so amusing to watch them fall down the stairs.

4) I have CDO. It's like OCD but all of the letters are in alphabetical order...like they should be.

5) It takes skill to trip over flat surfaces.

6) The early bird gets the worm, but it's the second mouse that gets the cheese.

7) I dream of a better world where chickens can cross the road without having their motives questioned.

8) Jesus saves. Passes to Moses, he shoots, he scores!!!

9) Heaven doesn't want me and hell is afraid I'll take over.

10) MY friends are cooler than giraffes. And giraffes, they're cool.

11) I'm not random, I'm just HEY LOOK A SQUIRREL!

12) You laugh, I laugh. You cry, I cry. You jump off a cliff, I laugh.

13) A good friend will bail you out of jail, but a true friend will be sitting next to you saying, Dang, that was fun!

14) You know what? I just forgot.

15) They never suspect the short one.

16) I'm going CRAZY! You want to come with?

17) When life gives you MELONS you know you're dislexic.

18) I'm lost. I've gone to look for myself, so if I get back before I return, please ask me to wait. ~Me

19) Qu'est-ce que 'sup?

20) iTune you out.

21) If tylenol, duct tape, or a band-aide can't help, you've got a serious problem.

22) Do vegetarians eat animal crackers?

23) Anyone else having trouble getting to Narnia?

24) Whoever said that nothing was impossible, never tried slamming a revolving door.

25) I've used up all of my sick days so I'm calling in dead.

26) Stereotyping? How do you type with a stereo?

27) People who don't know me think I'm quiet. People who do wish I was. =]

28) I didn't slap you, I high-fived your face.

29) Haha. Wait, what?

30) You're a great friend, but if the zombies are chasing us, I'm tripping you.

31) DEATH: the number 1 killer in the U.S...tell your friends.

32) My spoon is too big...

33) AHHHHHHHHHH! Oh, it's just the toaster. Again.

34) Team Jacob! Because REAL men don't sparkle. That's a little fruity...

35) Automatic doors make me feel like a JEDI!!!!!!

36) Hey stupid! Your sock is untied...

37) If my calculations are correct...slinkies + escalator = EVERLASTING FUN!!!

38) Insanium in the cranium dawg!!! (that 1's 4 u molly! <3)

39) Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.

40) To be is to do
~Socrates
To do is to be
~Sartre
Do be do be do.
~Sinatra

41) I'll have a cafe-mocha-vodka-valium-latte to go please.

42) Poke poke poke poke poke poke poke poke poke poke poke poke POKE! I'm so winning.

43) Superhero: *glares at assistant*
Superhero's assistant: *stares sullenly at floor*
Superhero: I am the superhero. I make the wooshing noises. (his cape...get it?)

44) Friends are like potatoes, if you eat them, they die.

45) I speak whale!!!

46) When life hands you lemons, make grape juice and sit back while the world wonders how you did it.

47) Of all the people I know, you're one of them.

48) Do you think it's because we're awesome? I think it's because we're awesome.

49) Ever notice that studying is student and dying put together?

50) Owww! Charlie!!! Charlie bit me...

51) Procrastinators; the leaders of tomorrow.

52) Im not random, you just can't think as fast as me.

53) ='( you eated my cookie?

54) nananananananana BATMAN!!!!

55) Careful, you may end up in my novel.



56) Shun the non-believers!!!!!!

57) Tu madre. You just got burnt in spanish.

58) Never do anything that you wouldn't want to explain to the paramedics.

59) Chocolate is the answer no matter what the question is.

60) So my friend texted me asking what idk meant so I said i don't know. She texted back saying OMG NO ONE KNOWS!!!!

61) Don't make me go all crazy white girl on you!

62) Sorry that was my last piece of gum: biggest lie in America.

63) Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

64) We're so cool ice cubes are jealous.

65) Im not as random as you think I salad.

66) Dislexics UNTIE!!!!!

67) It's okay pluto. I'm not a planet either.

68) Bom chicka wah wah!

69) Did you know that if you say gullible slowly is sounds like green beans?

70) Ever wonder why bologna and lasagna don't rhyme?

71) Laughing until your stomach hurts is what friends are for.

72) God made men first then...He had a better idea!

73) Without ME you're just AWESO

74) If people were all meant to pop out of bed, we'd all sleep in toasters.

75) A snack that smiles back until you bite their heads off goldfish!

76) Unless life also hands you water and sugar, your lemonade is gonna suck.

77) I'm the type of girl who will burst out laughing in dead silence because of something that happened yesterday.

78) I have ADOS; Attention Deficit Oooh...Shiny!!!

79) BFF!
p.s. I mean forever. You're never getting rid of me ;-)

80) Smile it makes people wonder what you're up to. :-)

81) I is a collage stoodent.

82) Wanna hear a joke?
......miley cyrus.

83) On a scale of 1 to crazy I'm a penguin.

84) If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

85) I don't get it...boys think girls are so complicatd. Haven't they met themselves?

86) I see no good reason to act my age.

87) Don't follow my footsteps, I run into walls.

88) Everything happens for a reason...except for clowns. I mean seroiusly, what the heck?

89) Silence is golden. Duct tape is silver.

90) Be a dork!!! Because being cool is overrated.

91) At this moment, you're the oldest you've ever been. Pretty deep huh?

92) Forgive your enemies. It messes with their heads.

93) Hey you! Yeah you! No, not you, the other guy. You right there! Do you like tacos?

94) (On a sign at a chinese restaurant...) No! We no see cat of yours. No more ask please.

95) Making us all wish we were blind:Speedo.

96) Worst time to have a heart attack; during a game of charades.

97) If you're reading this then you're not dead. Good for you.

98) I ROCK! Guitar hero told me.

99) I tried being normal, but I didn't like it.

100) Who's she and why does she keep saying dirty things?

all made up by yours truely.


Kids Are Quick
____________________________________

TEACHER: Maria, go to the map and find North America .
MARIA: Here it is.
TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who discovered America ?
CLASS: Maria.
____________________________________

TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables.
__________________________________________

TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell 'crocodile?'
GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L'
TEACHER: No, that's wrong
GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.
(I Love this kid)
____________________________________________

TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
DONALD: H I J K L M N O.
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
DONALD: Yesterday you said it's H to O.
__________________________________

TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.
WINNIE: Me!
__________________________________________

TEACHER: Glen, why do you always get so dirty?
GLEN: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.
_______________________________________

TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentence starting with ' I. '
MILLIE: I is..
TEACHER: No, Millie..... Always say, 'I am.'
MILLIE: All right... 'I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.'
________________________________

TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it. Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him?
LOUIE: Because George still had the axe in his hand.
______________________________________

TEACHER: Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
SIMON: No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook.
______________________________

TEACHER: Clyde , your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his?
CLYDE : No, sir. It's the same dog.
___________ ________________________

TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
HAROLD: A teacher

9 Things I Hate About Everyone



1. People who point at their wrist while asking for the time.... I know where my watch is pal, where the heck is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the toilet is?



2 People who are willing to get off their butt to search the entire room for the T.V. remote because they refuse to walk to the T.V. and change the channel manually.



3 When people say 'Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too'. You got that right! What good is cake if you can't eat it?



4 When people say 'it's always the last place you look'. Of course it is. Why the heck would you keep looking after you've found it? Do people do this?

5 When people say while watching a film 'did you see that?'. No Loser, I paid $12 to come to the cinema and stare at the stupid floor.



6 People who ask 'Can I ask you a question?'.... Didn't really give me a choice there, did ya sunshine?

7. When something is 'new and improved!' Which is it? If it's new, then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then there must have been something before it, couldn't be new.



8 When people say 'life is short'. What the heck?? Life is the longest thing anyone ever does!! What can you do that's longer?



9 When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks 'Has the bus come yet?'. If the bus came, would I still be standing here?